The Feeding of the 100

Jesus fed 5000 people with five loaves and two fish. I have calculated that, if he were the caterer for our wedding, all he’d need is one tenth of a loaf and just 1/25th of a fish. The rate we’re going, we may need to call on his assistance.

Let me recount to you the caterer saga so far. We start looking at least 18 months in advance, and find a good and reasonably priced company, which for legal reasons I shall call Wembertons. We met the head of the company, who promised to send us more details, but it was ages before we finally got the up-to-date menus in July. And guess what? The prices had gone up, but the food was no better – if anything, it sounded more boring. It was like ‘101 things to do with a chicken’.

So, I posted on a wedding planning messageboard asking if anyone knew of a decent caterer in or around Lincoln, who wouldn’t rip us off. Somebody suggested a company that I shall Cimply Satering. These people don’t have glossy leaflets because they promise to create an individual menu using the ideas of the couple. So we met with the manager (by the way, each time we met a caterer they had to come to the village hall, which meant trying to find a time when it was free and that the secretary could give us the keys). He was very nice, plenty of jokes, slagged off other caterers saying that they shouldn’t charge extra for serving wine you buy yourself, making fun of their ludicrous prices, saying they didn’t adapt to what the customer wanted. We went away excited – until we got further details. Not only had he almost entirely ignored our menu ideas, not even providing a vegetarian main course even though I’d stressed that I am a vegetarian myself, and expected us to pay around £4000. No chance.

With around nine months to go before the wedding, cutting it very fine, we started our search again. This time we got somewhere. Now I can name this company, because I won’t be slagging it off – Jossals. They’re everything we were looking for - lovely food at a very reasonable price, local, and very accommodating to our situation (us being in Leeds and everything). With less than seven months to go, we have all their details, and are ready to book, except for one little hiccup – they might not be able to provide hot food, as the kitchen is too small. We’re currently in negotiations with the hall over the possibility of hiring ovens and putting them in the side room, but we don’t know if we’ll be allowed to do this until nearly Christmas.

If you’re reading this and you’re coming to the wedding, bear this in mind – if you say one bad thing about the food, even if it is bread and fish, I will cry. And you don’t want to be the horrible person who makes the bride cry, do you?